Halloween Comes But Once a Year
by SapphoAndCyanide
Summary: A prank pulled by the Elders turns TCO into whatever they dressed up as until midnight! THE TREASURE IS REVEALED!
1. Chapter 1

Halloween comes but once a year… 

I know Halloween was months ago, but who cares? Do you care? Cuz I certainly don't.

Summary: A prank pulled by the Elders causes TCO to become whatever they dressed up to be until midnight. With a surprise ending!

A:N/ I got Prue's costume idea from Paigeriffic. Find him in my favorite authors!

Disclaimer: I do not own this story, Halloween, or Prue's costume idea.

UP THERE…..

The Elders sat at their giant table with a bowl in the middle. They used this bowl to watch sports, porn, ppv, oh and to watch TCO and other witches. They all watched in utter boredom, nothing was happening.

"I'm sooo bored!" Zola cried, only helping what I said earlier…about the boredom thing? Ya know?

"Me too," The other twits in robes agreed.

"Hey, I know what we could do! It's a little risky but _so _worth it!" An Elder with a Jamaican accent said enthusiastically.

"Let's hear it!"

"Okay, here's the plan…."

A minute later…

"…And that's my plan!"

"You, you didn't even say anything, you just said 'and that's my plan'." Ellen scolded.

"Oh, right…ok, here's my real plan." He starts to mumble to them.

MEANWHILE, IN THE GHETTO. I-I MEAN, THE MANOR….

"Trick or Treat!"

Paige answered the door, dressed as a vampire, not like the hot vampires but the ones with capes.

"Oh, how cute! A princess! And the Scream guy! Oh, and…what are you supposed to be?" Paige asked the little boy dressed up in a suit and tie.

"I'm Johnny Cochran you dumb-bass!" screamed.

"Hey, watch the language."

"I said dumb _bass_, damn!" He kicked her in the shins and ran off.

"You little brat! Get back here!"

When he obviously didn't come back she slammed the door and waddled back into the kitchen with Piper, Leo, and Cole.

"I'm not on candy duty anymore…" Paige muttered and sat down.

"You get kicked again, sweetie?" Piper asked, putting candy apples onto a plate.

"That's the 5th time today! Whatever happened to just egging someone's house? Or pushing them down a flight of stairs?"

"Who knows, but what do you think of our costumes?" Leo asked.

Paige looked the three of them over. Leo was dressed as a soldier, typical. Black boots and camouflage clothes, with black paint smeared under his eyes. Piper was dressed up in black leather pants and red spaghetti-strap top. Next to her sat a wooden stake and she was wearing a reasonably large cross around her neck and she had a blonde wig on.

"What are you supposed to be Piper? Leo's fantasy?"

"No, I'm Buffy the vampire slayer, you moron." Piper eyed Paige. "So you better watch out."

Paige raised and eyebrow and looked at Cole. He was wearing brown scrubs…that's it.

"Lemme guess. Gynecologist?"

"I considered it." Cole started. "But no, I'm a plastic surgeon." Wow, how original did I get?

Paige nodded. "Hey, where are Prue and Phoebe?"

As if on que Prue walked in. She was wearing a traditional pirates costume, with a patch over her left eye. There was a parrot sitting on her shoulder. It struggled a little bit.

"Arghhhhh!" She said.

"Prue, is that a real parrot?" Piper asked, a little scared.

"Yes, yes it is. I 'bought' him from the pet store for $500."

"The poor thing's chained to your arm!" Paige cried.

"What part of '$500 bird' did you _not _get? Besides, I'm taking him back tomorrow, he keeps calling me a bitch."

"Prue's an itch!" The bird cried.

"He said you're an_ itch_!" Cole corrected.

"Na ah! He's lying! I swear he was sayin it earlier! Tell em birdie!" She looked at the bird, who raised its eyebrows…if birds had eyebrows…and seemed to smile. "Ugh!"

"Get over it Prue, at least you managed to cover you're squint." Paige noted.

Prue raised her fist and was about to knock Paige back to next Tuesday when music started blaring.

"Omigod! What the paige is that?" Piper cried as they all walked into the foyer by the stairs.

"Piper! We've talked about you using my name as a swear word!" Paige whined as she followed.

'_Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? _

_Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_Don'tcha…..Don'tcha?'_

As this played Phoebe appeared at the top of the stairs in a blue cheerleaders uniform, pom-poms and a blonde wig and started to dance.

'_Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?_

_Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?'_

She tried to show-off by sliding down the banister. Of course, she's basically not wearing a skirt so her legs are rubbing up against the wood.

She started to slowly slide down, yelping in pain. Finally, she fell backwards and landed on a table.

"Oh. my. Holly. What the paige was that?" Piper laughed hysterically.

Everyone else laughed, even the bird. Cole finally went and helped her up.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked what everyone was thinking.

'I was trying to make an entrance." Phoebe pouted as she readjusted her wig.

"You sure did…" Prue muttered and walked away, probably to go suck out someone's life essence to keep her resurrected. Or maybe to get a sandwich, who knows.

"Ooh, candy!" Phoebe cheered and ran over to the bowl and started stuffing her face.

"Save some for the trick-or-treaters you ho-bag!" Piper screamed and pushed her into the clock. You know which one I mean.

"Sor—"

Phoebe started then stopped. "Whoa, I feel kinda funny. My tummy hurts!" She started to cry.

"Hey, I don't feel so great either." Leo mumbled then suddenly his eyes went blank and his head shot up. He started looking around.

"Head for cover men! Move! Move! MOOVVVVEE!" He cried and ducked down. He jumped and rolled over to the stairs and quickly ran up them.

Cole looked over to Phoebe. "Hey beautiful, you want a tummy-tuck? On me."

Phoebe giggled, blushed, and turned her blonde hair around her finger. "Sure," She nodded.

Cole chuckled and led Phoebe out of the room.

Meanwhile Piper was inching towards Paige, who had her now real vampire fangs bared.

"I've been hunting you for years…Now the dream is about to become a reality!" Piper screamed and ran after her holding the stake.

Paige hissed and jumped up in a slow Matrix-style jump and started flying. Piper chased her through the house. Paige turned and kicked Piper square in the stomach. Piper went flying and slammed into the front door, Paige used this opportunity to fly somewhere dark and depressing…which would be her room.

Prue walks in to find Piper standing up.

"Argh, me matey! There be treachery afoot!" She pulls out a sword. She's now grown a little beard.

"Rawk! Treachery! Prue's a bitch! Rawk!" The bird quaked.

(Piper voice-over)

"I realized the pirate could be very useful in my hunt. So I decided to ask her for her help."

"Wou-" Piper started but Prue had already run off.

Piper shrugged and looked at the ground, she picked up something mushy…and brown, and smelt it.

"Bat droppings," She muttered. "She can't be far." She walked away

MEANWHILE….

Paige was hanging upside-down in her closet, asleep. It would be time to feed soon and she needed her energy to fight the vampire slayer.

COLE'S AND PHOEBE'S ROOM…

The bed was missing and had been replaced with a desk and chairs. Cole sat at one end and Phoebe sat at the other.

"So tell me what you don't like about yourself." Cole catch-phrased.

"Um, well, I like don't when I can't land a flip. Or how I can't like, resist a guy in scrubs." Phoebe stupidly said as she blew a bubble with her gum.

Cole got a little overly happy at hearing this, if ya know what I mean.

"I meant about your body." He corrected her.

"Oh! I like have a little birthmark on my butt that just drives me like totally crazy!" A birthmark? Right, what about that arm-hair ya got there?

"Well…I can take care of that." Cole says smoothly. He pulls out a bunch of knives and drugs. "Now lay on the bed and we'll get this over with."

Phoebe did as she was told, cuz she's used to guys saying that to her… "You sure you know what you're doing?" She asked uncertainly.

"Oh _yea_!" Cole assured her. "Now, um, what's this thing do?" He asked as he held up a pair of scissors. Phoebe shrugged. Cole shrugged too. "Oh well, let's get started!"

THE KITCHEN….

Prue held up a piece of paper and took small steps around the island.

"Argh! 50 paces weast! Shiver me timbers! Yo ho yo ho!"

The bird's holding a tiny saw and is trying to break the chain. He looks up when he notices Prue looking at him.

"That's your que!" She whispers.

"Rawk, Prue's an idiot!" Polly said.

"Quiet ye scoundrel! Or I won't give ye a share of me booty!" eww…

The bird starts chewing his leg off.

"Now, where was I?" She mutters and looks at the map. "Right! 1-2-3-4-5-7-12…." She starts walking and counting.

UP IN THE ATTIC…

Leo has knocked over just about everything; he's hiding behind a tipped over couch bandaging up a doll that is missing an arm.

"It'll be okay sarge, just hold on, HOLD ON!" He cries through gritted teeth. He peeks over the couch and there are dolls missing limbs, and heads, all over the floor.

He bites the top off of a Christmas ornament and throws it over the couch. Just then Prue walks in looking at her map.

"Arghh! 50 paces! Here be treasure!" She pulled out a shovel and started digging…wait, how-nevermind.

"Nazi!" Leo screeched and flew at Prue pushing her out the door. They both pummeled down the stairs. Leo looked down at his stomach, which was fine. He didn't seem to think so though.

"Oh no, I've been shot…Tell my wife...tell her…" Leo's head fell to the side and he was 'dead'.

Prue took off her hat and lowered her head.

"Arrgghh…" She said sadly.

Polly was long gone but his right leg was still on the chain, it swung back and forth as Prue walked away.

Polly flew through the house, trying to find somewhere to hide. Suddenly he heard a whistling sound; he turned to see an arrow heading straight towards him. It hit him and pinned him against the wall.

Piper walked up and pulled the arrow with the dead bird off the wall.

(voice-over)

"I thought the bird was the vampire in her animal form, I was wrong…I'm gonna owe somebody a new pet."

She threw down the bird and walked off.

PAIGE'S CLOSET…

Paige opened her now red eyes and tried to get up, She fell off the bar and landed on her head.

"Oww, forgot I was upside-down." She muttered and stood up. There was a puff of smoke and she transformed into a bat. She flew out of the room to look for dinner.

She flew down the stairs and looked around. No one was around…then she saw something small out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see Kit sitting on the top of the couch cleaning her ears.

"That'll do for now." Paige thought and swooped down. Kit hissed and swiped her paw at the flying rat. Paige tried to swerve but still got hit; she flew into the window and slowly slid down. Paige shook her head then flew at Kit again. This time she was smart enough to transform back into a human. She picked up the poor cat and…bit into her neck. Kit cried out.

Piper was checking Leo's neck when she heard the cry, her head shot up and she took off, her blonde hair flowing in the breeze.

Me: "Who the hell turned on the fan?" (Someone turns it off and Piper's hair falls flat again.) "Better."

When she made it to the sunroom it was too late, Paige laid down the poor cat's body and wiped the blood off of her mouth. She started coughing and pulled out a lump of fur. "Sorry, hairball."

"How could you? She was just a cat!" Piper screamed, pulling out a crossbow.

"Girls' gotta eat." Vampirella shrugged.

"Well I hoped you enjoyed it, because it was your last meal."

"Or so you think." Paige said and morphed again. She took off flying. Piper chased her and shot an arrow, it hit the clock just as it struck 10.

Piper pulled out the arrow because it was the only one she had. By the time she was done Paige had flown away.

Piper walked over to Kit and smeared some of the cat's blood under her eyes and growled.

"It's on…"

Man, this is some nas-tay crap.

COLE AND PHOEBE'S ROOM…

Cole and Phoebe were doin the dirty when Prue burst in, map in hand. Neither of them noticed though.

"Thar she blows!" Prue rightly declared.

"Can we help you?" Phoebe asked, sitting up.

"Arghh, I be searching for me booty!" Prue told them.

"It's right behind you." Cole told her, idiot.

"It is?" Prue turned her head and spun around in a circle. "Arrghh, smartass." She stomped out.

Prue shut the door and walked into the bathroom. She looked at the pipes and started hitting them with her shovel. "Yo ho, yo ho, it's a pirate's life for me!"

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS…

Leo opened his eyes and looked around.

"Am-I-dead?" He asked no one in particular.

"No, no you're not." Piper told him blankly as she stepped over him and walked upstairs with her crossbow.

"Oh, alright. Wait, I'm still at war!" He jumped up and ran into the conservatory. He saw Kit's limp body on the floor and he dropped to his knees.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" He raised his arms and looked up crying.

Suddenly Kit's body rose. She had big black wings and teeth as sharp as hell. She hissed at Leo and started chasing him.

"Ahh! Demon kitty!" He shrieked like a girl.

"Where?" Piper jumped down the stairs.

Leo turned only to see Kit had disappeared.

"I. don't. know."

"Well, if you're not gonna help get out of the way!" Piper ordered.

"Wait! I can help you!" Leo chased after her.

"How?" Piper raised an eyebrow.

Leo shrugged.

"Okay, first we gotta put you in something less conspicuous." She ripped off his jacket so now he's just wearing a white t-shirt. "Hmm, I could use you as bait." She ripped off his shirt. Which was actually more for her benefit.

"How's this helping?" Leo asked as Piper greased up his chest.

"Easy, when the vampire sees a hot guy, she'll come and try to suck your blood, turning you into her undead love slave for all of eternity. Well, at least she will if I can't stop her in time."

Leo gulped.

Bat-Paige flew in, undetected. She saw the two humans talking. She looked at the greasy shirtless one. She knew she should've been more turned on by him but she wasn't… She turned to Kit, who looked like a bat with Kit's head. "You get the shirtless one and I'll get the hot slayer." Eww! _Eww_!

Kit nodded…somehow, and they both swooped down.

"Watch out!" Piper pushed Leo out of the way and tried to pick up her crossbow. It slipped out of her still greased up hands.

Just then Phoebe and Cole ran downstairs.

"Don't mind us, just came down for some whipped cream." Cole announced. Phoebe stopped and stared at Leo. She helped him up.

"Hi," She smiled stupidly.

"Um hi, I'm kinda busy now if you don't mind." Leo said pushing her arm off his chest.

Piper wiped her hands off on Cole's back and picked up a vase and threw it at the bats. It hit them both and they smashed into the wall.

Paige and Kit morphed back into themselves and started stalking the group.

"All you can eat buffet, Kit." Paige told the cat who just meowed. Ooh that's so creepy.

All of a sudden a rush of water came down the stairs. A second later Prue came sailing down on a mattress holding a box.

"Arghh! Tidal wave! I found me treasure! I'm rich I tells ya! Rich!" Yo ho!" She cried as she made it to the bottom of the stairs and the last of the water disappeared.

"Did I interrupt something?"

"NO!" Everyone but Paige and Kit screamed.

"Yes!" Paige screamed.

"Meow!" Kit screamed, cuz that's all cats can say you idiot.

"Arghh! Who wants to see my treasure then?"

Cole and Paige raised their hands but Phoebe slapped him, and Paige lowered her hand.

Prue opened the box and gasped.

"What is it?" Piper asked.

Paige looked up from sucking Leo's blood.

"It's…"

(STATIC)

Due to technical difficulties this chapter cannot be continued…now for the next program, already in progress.

Boy: "Lassie! Oh Lassie!"

Don'tcha just hate me? You do? Mofo…ok, I think that was weird, if you guys wanna know what it is I gotta get at least 5 reviews…

Nicole/Shannen


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2: And the treasure IS…._**

"Well don't just stand there Prue, what is it?" Piper demanded.

Prue's (good) eye twitched uncomfortably. "It's…it's…"

"Tell us!" Everyone screams.

Prue pulled out a pile of pictures. "It's dirty pictures of Grams and some guy…and some other guy."

Piper bent over and threw up. Paige fainted…on the puddle of Piper's puke; Leo fainted in Cole's arms. Phoebe took the pictures from Prue.

"Eww, Grams naked…that's nasty. Some treasure!"

"I say we burn em!" Cole exclaimed. Still holding onto Leo happily.

(Later…in whatever room doesn't reek of failure.)

"Why the hell would Grams have dirty pictures?" Piper asked as she paced back and forth.

"Argh," Prue muttered. Holding onto her stomach. "I think that's pretty obvious."

"Prue, cut the pirate act will ya? We have a crisis. I think we should summon Grams and ask her." Piper slapped Prue on the back of the head.

"No! We can do that! Then we would have to talk about it with her! And that could lead to some _very_ dirty flashbacks. And I don't know about you people, but I don't feel like going to therapy anymore than I already do."

"Too late!" Phoebe giggled. All eyes turned to the Hoey-One. Next to her was the usual swirl of gold and white lights. Which only meant _one_ thing….

"Phoebe,_ NO_!" Everyone screamed as Grams appeared next to her.

"Girls…what a unpleasant surprise. Happy Halloween." Grams smiled.

Leo and Cole shuddered.

"Grams…we have something to show you." Prue said slowly as she handed Grams the therapy-inducing-pictures-from-Satan-himself™…As Grams looked over the photos the doorbell rang.

"Time to go get kicked in the shins again." Paige sighed and trudged to the door with a bowl of candy. She opened it to see a bright-eyed girl standing in a witch's costume.

"Wow…Prue…The years _sooo_ haven't been good to you." The girl said stepping into the house.

"I'm not Prue, you little slut. Who the hell are you?" Paige demanded.

"Jenny, what are you doing here?" Piper asked and walked up to the Annoying One…that never gets old.

"Piper! I missed you!" Jenny cried and hugged her.

"Uh, I wish I could say the same. You didn't answer the question."

"I was just in the neighborhood and…"

"But you live in some _far_ away place." Prue stated the much appreciated obvious.

"Hey, can't a girl come back after so many years to visit who she thought was going to be her future family until the blonde freak stole you from me-I mean my uncle?" Jenny fumed and made fists at her sides.

"Penny, I think you should just burn those fugly things so we can all sleep a little easier." Cole told her. Because listening to Cole talk about naked old lady photos is _sooo_ much better than listening to Jenny.

Grams started shaking with rage….or maybe she was having a stroke. Either way, her powers went wild and threw the clock into Jenny. Sending her and it crashing into the wall. Maybe she was getting into the moment, but Grams picked Jenny up with her powers and slammed her battered body into the ground over, and over, and over. Everyone stared in shock when Grams finally quit.

"Alright," She said calmly. "Burn them…Blessed Be my darlings." Grams smiled and disappeared.

Everyone turned slowly and looked at Jenny as she lay dying, in a puddle of blood, on the floor, the clock smashed into pieces next to her. Piper dropped to her knees in agony.

"NOOO!" She cried, tears running down her face. "The clock! Leo heal it!"

Leo kicked Jenny out of the way, she made a gurgling noise and twitched. Leo put his hands over the remnants of the clock but nothing happened.

"I-I can't heal the dead…or the inanimate." He muttered sadly. Sobs were heard and Kit started pawing Jenny's cold, dead body. Chewing on her hair. Oh-the joy!

Just then those annoying chimes were heard and an elder emerged next to Paige.

"Umm, on behalf of the other Elders and I…we would just like to apologize for your loss. We can't help feeling like it's our fault." He said regretfully.

"What do you mean?" Prue asked forcefully.

"Well, you would've never found those pictures if we hadn't cast a little spell on you."

"What kind of spell?" Piper demanded, inching closer.

"A, s-spell that made you to believe you were whatever you dressed up as for Halloween. It was just a harmless prank! We don't get HBO 'up there' so there's not a whole lot to do!" He tried to reason with them.

Now the whole family was getting closing in on the idiot in the robe.

The next few hours were spent giving the Elder: Wedgies, Swirlies, and other pointless schoolyard torments. They finally let him go when they felt that they had put on enough make-up to make him look somewhat better. All he really looked like was Phoebe…odd.

"That was fun, we should do that it sometime." Paige sighed as they all sat in the Conservatory.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Well, I guess we better get to bed." Piper said as she and Leo got up and walked out.

"Yea, us too." Cole and Phoebe agreed and walked after the couple.

"What are we gonna do with Jenny's body?" Prue asked Paige.

Paige shrugged. "I'll just do that spell I like so much in the morning. Night." She started walking off.

"Paige," Prue called. Paige turned around. "Uh, those pictures--weren't really the treasure. I hid the real treasure before I came down."

Paige was intrigued. "Oh yea, well what was the real treasure?"

"Ha, like I'd tell you! Get out of my face you little whore before I slap that mustache right off your face." Prue scoffed.

"Fine, bitch." Paige muttered and walked off, shaking her head.

Later Prue lifted her pillow up off the couch in the basement and held up a small box. She opened it and smiled as black smoke emerged from the box and went into Prue's nose and mouth. Her eyes turned black and she laughed evilly…

Some random Guy: "It turns out it was the Hollow."

END….

That could've been a better treasure…I know it could've…I just haven't been in the writing mood lately. Sorry.

Nicole/Shannen


End file.
